Facing truths about myself

I'm weak.

I'm lazy.

I'm selfish.

I worry too much.

I desperately crave close friends that I can just call for no reason or drop by unannounced and it be a welcome thing.

Yet, I worry that I'm annoying, that people don't want to be close like that with me, or that maybe I'm pushing my friendship on someone who doesn't want it..... so I don't call. I don't drop by.

I want to be madly in love with Christ and do amazing things in His name and live a life that is selfless and Christ-centered and be unafraid to share my faith with everyone from my family to complete strangers.

Instead I sing a few Bible songs to my son throughout the day, maybe read a few scriptures during the week, but without real direction, wait till the last minute (if then) to study for my weekly ladies Bible study, and try to ignore the nagging guilty feeling in my gut while I scan Pinterest or find another mindless show to watch on Netflix.

I love it when I have productive days where I'm an attentive mother and wife, I not only read some scripture but I actually THINK about it, I clean and organize, I might even pursue one of my many crafty/ artistic hobbies.

But then something tiny or mundane or even something I can't even detect completely derails me and I spend unknown amounts of time wallowing in senseless worries of not being able to lose weight, on-going struggles of ill-fitting clothes because of weight-loss worries, loneliness, fear of being an unsatisfactory wife and mother, a poor Christian, and on and on and on....

I'm stuck in this horrible cycle of erratic peaks and pits. There's no middle ground. Not lately anyway.

It's exhausting.

I am so very weak.



But for some amazing, unfathomable reason

God loves me.

He not only loves me,

He WANTS me.

He didn't create me because He had to, He did it because He wanted to.

Why?

WHY?

Seriously, why in the whole wide vast universe would HE want ME?


That's not for me to know.

He just does.

Even with all my weakness, laziness, selfishness, short comings, worries, false starts, everything. All of it.

He still wants me.

He just does.



That is amazingly freeing.
I just need to remind myself more often.

.... For such a time as this

Esther was a young girl - probably in her mid to late teens - when she was chosen to replace Queen Vashti in King Ahasuerus's court.

She was beautiful, smart, and got along with everyone.

But she was a Jew in a Persian's royal court.

She was afraid to reveal her background for fear that she and her family would die all the quicker when irresponsible King Ahasuerus was manipulated into agreeing to kill all the Jews in the kingdom because of one man's bruised ego.

Then Esther's uncle Mordecai told her "Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

(Esther 4:13-14)

Uncle Mordecai is saying, "Wake up girl!"

Don't you think that God put you where you are for a reason?

You can save your people.

You can save us.

God is on your side.

But the longer you wait, the more you tell God, "I don't believe you can do it."

Trust Him.

Believe in Him.

Look where He's placed you.

This is not a coincidence.

God doesn't do coincidences.

He believes in you.

I honestly believe that God works everything together for good

and places us where we are for very specific reasons.

For such a time as this.

It's not His fault if we refuse to open our eyes and realize what's staring us in the face.

If you've never studied the book of Esther, please do it.

Especially if you're a woman.

Young or not so young.

Especially if you're not too sure of what's going on in your life right now.

Or if you think you have it all together and life is just peachy.

Beth Moore's Esther study is fantastic.

What opportunity has God placed at your feet that you might be overlooking?

Where has He placed you for such a time as this?

Please read the book of Esther to see how Esther trusts God and how He delivers the Jewish people through her faith and bravery.