Old New Old

So I thought I was going to start a whole new blog and discard the old one.... but I think I've changed my mind.

I decided to just merge the two blogs together and keep the first blog's name: Wonderwheat. I chose to do this because wonderwheat is also the name of my email address and the name of my etsy shop. Well, technically my etsy shop is WonderWheatcraft..... but close enough.

Continuity and all that.

I haven't posted in quite a while and the last few times that I did post were well..... more or less depressing. Sorry about that. I was going through a weird negatively emotional time that was, funnily enough, followed quickly by a very surprising and relieving emotional time.

To be less vague and to update anyone who doesn't know yet..... I'm pregnant!

Which is wonderful and amazing since I was actually beginning to question my ability to get pregnant.

God answered my prayer. "For this child I prayed..." 1 Sam. 1:27

I'm 13 weeks along as of today. So far, it feels like it's going by really slowly, but I'm sure that soon the whole thing will feel like it's flying by too fast. That's how time seems to work, isn't it? When you're really excited about something and you feel like you can't wait till it happens, time slows down and takes a leisurely stroll while you're crawling out of your skin with anticipation and wishing it would get a move on. However, when you're dreading something or are less prepared than you'd like to be, time seems to be completely unobliging and sneaks out of nowhere and jumps right in your face. How rude.

Anyway, more updates on the whole baby thing, and life in general, later.

God bless!

Life is not fair.

Life is not fair.

Life is not fair.

Life. Is. Not. Fair.

But God is good.

I just have to remember that.

You Don't Have To Move That Mountain by Nickel Creek

You don't have to move that mountain

Just help me Lord to climb it

You don't have to move that stumblin' block

Just show me the way around it

We must climb a great high mountain

To reach God's gracious kingdom

In His words you'll find the strength

If you will just believe them

You don't have to move that mountain

Just help me Lord to climb it

You don't have to move that stumblin' block

Just show me the way around it

Well, the way is filled with pitfalls

And sometimes we may falter

You can have His grace, my friend

On your knees down at the altar

You don't have to move that mountain

Just help me Lord to climb it

You don't have to move that stumblin' block

Just show me the way around it

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed

by the mountains

and the stumbling blocks.

So overwhelmed.

So overwhelmed that I feel like

sitting down

in the middle of the road

and just crying.

I worry.

I worry way too much.

I worry about job stuff, money,

the future, my health,

relationships,

almost everything.

I know I shouldn't.

I just can't help it sometimes.

I wish I could.

Really.

Worrying cannot change anything.

God doesn't want us to worry.

He tells us not to worry.

I can worry all I want but it won't change anything.

So why can't I stop?

I want to trust God.

I want to have complete faith.

I want to let go

and let God.

Eden

Sometimes a song can express exactly what I'm feeling and needing to say,

but don't know how to.

Sometimes when I don't even realize that I need to say it.

Every now and then, I can have something that's been weighing on my heart

for the past few months

or the past few hours

that I'll know I need to take to God

and I just won't know how to.

I have trouble letting go of things.

I am able to say

"God I can't handle this.

Please, help me.

Take this from me.

You're so much more capable than me."

But I'm not always able

to actually let go.

I want to.

I've often prayed for the desire to want to let go.

Because you need that before you gain the actual ability, right?

But, sometimes, I'll have this

struggle

temptation

doubt

worry

depression

weighing on me so heavily

or maybe I'll push it to the back of my mind

and try to deny that it's weighing on me

and then

I'll hear a song

it could be a song that I've heard countless times

or one that's brand new to me

and my heart

will just break.

It'll bring tears to my eyes.

I love

love

love

finding songs that speak the words

that I can't find to say

no matter how desperately I want to say them.

Eden by Phil Wickham

is one of those songs for me.

The first time I heard it, I was sort of mesmerized.

I got chills.

By the end I was smiling and crying at the same time.

I wanted to hear it again

And again.

And again.

It's beautiful

and it describes the way I feel about God

in a way that I never could find words for.

I still get chills

and sometimes a little teary

every

single

time

I hear it.

I hope you like it, too.

Do you have a song that speaks to you

like this one does to me?

Eden by Phil Wickham

When the first light brightened the dark
Before the breaking of the human heart
There was You and there was me
Innocence was all I knew
'Cause all I had to know was You
We were running underneath the trees

I wanna see you face to face
Where being in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

I remember how'd You call my name
And I would meet You at the garden gate
How the glory of Your love would shine
And I remember when the stars were young
You breathed life into my lungs
Oh I never felt so alive

I wanna see you face to face
Where being in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

To be naked and unashamed
In a sweet downpour of innocent rain
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

Where my eyes can see the colors of glory
My hands can reach the heaven before me
Oh, my God I wanna be there with You
Where our hearts will beat with joy together
And love will reign forever and ever
Oh my God I wanna be there with You

I wanna see you face to face
Where being in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

To be naked and unashamed
In a sweet downpour of innocent rain
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

Making Changes

I have struggled for a very long time with consistent personal Bible study.

In an effort to to become more consistent I am retiring this blog (at least for a while) and starting a new one to aid me in my personal study and perhaps help others with theirs.

If you currently follow me here, please follow me there.

I assure you that I will post much more frequently and about things of more more depth.

Please pray for me and encourage me.

I promise to do the same for you.

God bless!

.... For such a time as this

Esther was a young girl - probably in her mid to late teens - when she was chosen to replace Queen Vashti in King Ahasuerus's court.

She was beautiful, smart, and got along with everyone.

But she was a Jew in a Persian's royal court.

She was afraid to reveal her background for fear that she and her family would die all the quicker when irresponsible King Ahasuerus was manipulated into agreeing to kill all the Jews in the kingdom because of one man's bruised ego.

Then Esther's uncle Mordecai told her "Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

(Esther 4:13-14)

Uncle Mordecai is saying, "Wake up girl!"

Don't you think that God put you where you are for a reason?

You can save your people.

You can save us.

God is on your side.

But the longer you wait, the more you tell God, "I don't believe you can do it."

Trust Him.

Believe in Him.

Look where He's placed you.

This is not a coincidence.

God doesn't do coincidences.

He believes in you.

I honestly believe that God works everything together for good

and places us where we are for very specific reasons.

For such a time as this.

It's not His fault if we refuse to open our eyes and realize what's staring us in the face.

If you've never studied the book of Esther, please do it.

Especially if you're a woman.

Young or not so young.

Especially if you're not too sure of what's going on in your life right now.

Or if you think you have it all together and life is just peachy.

Beth Moore's Esther study is fantastic.

What opportunity has God placed at your feet that you might be overlooking?

Where has He placed you for such a time as this?

Please read the book of Esther to see how Esther trusts God and how He delivers the Jewish people through her faith and bravery.

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