Facing truths about myself

I'm weak.

I'm lazy.

I'm selfish.

I worry too much.

I desperately crave close friends that I can just call for no reason or drop by unannounced and it be a welcome thing.

Yet, I worry that I'm annoying, that people don't want to be close like that with me, or that maybe I'm pushing my friendship on someone who doesn't want it..... so I don't call. I don't drop by.

I want to be madly in love with Christ and do amazing things in His name and live a life that is selfless and Christ-centered and be unafraid to share my faith with everyone from my family to complete strangers.

Instead I sing a few Bible songs to my son throughout the day, maybe read a few scriptures during the week, but without real direction, wait till the last minute (if then) to study for my weekly ladies Bible study, and try to ignore the nagging guilty feeling in my gut while I scan Pinterest or find another mindless show to watch on Netflix.

I love it when I have productive days where I'm an attentive mother and wife, I not only read some scripture but I actually THINK about it, I clean and organize, I might even pursue one of my many crafty/ artistic hobbies.

But then something tiny or mundane or even something I can't even detect completely derails me and I spend unknown amounts of time wallowing in senseless worries of not being able to lose weight, on-going struggles of ill-fitting clothes because of weight-loss worries, loneliness, fear of being an unsatisfactory wife and mother, a poor Christian, and on and on and on....

I'm stuck in this horrible cycle of erratic peaks and pits. There's no middle ground. Not lately anyway.

It's exhausting.

I am so very weak.



But for some amazing, unfathomable reason

God loves me.

He not only loves me,

He WANTS me.

He didn't create me because He had to, He did it because He wanted to.

Why?

WHY?

Seriously, why in the whole wide vast universe would HE want ME?


That's not for me to know.

He just does.

Even with all my weakness, laziness, selfishness, short comings, worries, false starts, everything. All of it.

He still wants me.

He just does.



That is amazingly freeing.
I just need to remind myself more often.

My First Inductive Bible Study

I did my first inductive Bible study last night and considering the fact that until last night I didn't know what an inductive Bible study was, its obviously not horribly complicated or intimidating. You should try it. I really enjoyed it.

My friend Kristen branched off from her first blog (which is great) to start a second one about Bible study and thoughts on God and scripture. Earlier this week she issued a challenge to all of us out there in the blog-verse to participate in an inductive Bible study and then post their thoughts on their own blog so that the other participants can read and get others' perspectives.

So without further adieu...

2 Timothy 4:1-8

¹ I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 
² preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. 
³ For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, ⁴ and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. 
⁵ As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

⁶ For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. ⁷ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

⁸ Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.

My interpretation:

I'm giving you advice and guidance but this isn't just coming from me - these are things that God wants from you, too.

Share the Gospel, the good news, the Word of God. Know it so that you'll be prepared when someone needs to hear it - and not just when its most convenient and comfortable for you. 

Comfort people, teach them, encourage them, give guidance, even correct them when necessary, but always have patience and love when you do. 

Don't wait, act now. People won't always be receptive to the Word, or to you. Instead, they'll rely on themselves and focus on people and things that tell them what they want to hear, whether its the Truth or not. 

Don't allow yourself to slip into that way of thinking and living also - be aware and alert. Don't let your faith waver if you happen to encounter hardship. Be diligent in your work for God and His calling for you. 

I'm not always going to be here to guide and help you. I've lived my life for God to the best of my ability and I've been diligent in my faith. God is faithful to us if we are faithful to Him. For living my life for God, He will reward me with a place next to Him in Heaven. He does and will do the same for everyone who truly loves and obeys Him. 

Personal Thoughts:

Stop coasting. Stop waiting for the "right time". Stop assuming someone else "more qualified" will take care of spreading the Word. Stop thinking EVANGELISM is some intimidating endeavor taken on by only the most mature, sober-minded, well-equipped Christians. 

Listen to people. Encourage them. Give advice when you have it. Comfort people. Be a friend, a confidant, a companion. Really truly love people and take interest in them and their lives. THAT is evangelism. Share your faith. Live in a way that shows God through your actions. Don't be afraid to ask people about their faith and their relationship with God. Pray for people. Pray with people. Don't put it off. Don't hope the subject will come up "on its own". Don't wait for someone else to bring it up first. 

Someone may be in desperate need of a friend to talk about God with and He might put you in their life for that reason - why not reach out? Don't let opportunities to show and share God slip through your grasp. They may not come again. 

Even when people are unreceptive - and they will be, make no mistake - even when you're turned down and you're struggling, stick with it. Be persistent. Don't get discouraged. Continue to love, comfort, encourage - Trust God. He won't give up on you. Don't give up on Him. He keeps his promises. 

A Child in Need of a Family

Matthew 25

35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

   37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

   40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


A very sweet family that I was blessed to get to know while in college recently adopted a beautiful, precious little girl from Ethiopia. They have such beautiful, God-centered hearts and are constantly thinking of others. Please go read their blog post about a little girl in need of a loving adoptive family. Even if you're not financially able, emotionally able, or have the heart for personal adoption, you can help spread the word of this child's need and say a prayer on her and her future family's behalf.

Thank you and God bless.

Old New Old

So I thought I was going to start a whole new blog and discard the old one.... but I think I've changed my mind.

I decided to just merge the two blogs together and keep the first blog's name: Wonderwheat. I chose to do this because wonderwheat is also the name of my email address and the name of my etsy shop. Well, technically my etsy shop is WonderWheatcraft..... but close enough.

Continuity and all that.

I haven't posted in quite a while and the last few times that I did post were well..... more or less depressing. Sorry about that. I was going through a weird negatively emotional time that was, funnily enough, followed quickly by a very surprising and relieving emotional time.

To be less vague and to update anyone who doesn't know yet..... I'm pregnant!

Which is wonderful and amazing since I was actually beginning to question my ability to get pregnant.

God answered my prayer. "For this child I prayed..." 1 Sam. 1:27

I'm 13 weeks along as of today. So far, it feels like it's going by really slowly, but I'm sure that soon the whole thing will feel like it's flying by too fast. That's how time seems to work, isn't it? When you're really excited about something and you feel like you can't wait till it happens, time slows down and takes a leisurely stroll while you're crawling out of your skin with anticipation and wishing it would get a move on. However, when you're dreading something or are less prepared than you'd like to be, time seems to be completely unobliging and sneaks out of nowhere and jumps right in your face. How rude.

Anyway, more updates on the whole baby thing, and life in general, later.

God bless!

Life is not fair.

Life is not fair.

Life is not fair.

Life. Is. Not. Fair.

But God is good.

I just have to remember that.

You Don't Have To Move That Mountain by Nickel Creek

You don't have to move that mountain

Just help me Lord to climb it

You don't have to move that stumblin' block

Just show me the way around it

We must climb a great high mountain

To reach God's gracious kingdom

In His words you'll find the strength

If you will just believe them

You don't have to move that mountain

Just help me Lord to climb it

You don't have to move that stumblin' block

Just show me the way around it

Well, the way is filled with pitfalls

And sometimes we may falter

You can have His grace, my friend

On your knees down at the altar

You don't have to move that mountain

Just help me Lord to climb it

You don't have to move that stumblin' block

Just show me the way around it

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed

by the mountains

and the stumbling blocks.

So overwhelmed.

So overwhelmed that I feel like

sitting down

in the middle of the road

and just crying.

I worry.

I worry way too much.

I worry about job stuff, money,

the future, my health,

relationships,

almost everything.

I know I shouldn't.

I just can't help it sometimes.

I wish I could.

Really.

Worrying cannot change anything.

God doesn't want us to worry.

He tells us not to worry.

I can worry all I want but it won't change anything.

So why can't I stop?

I want to trust God.

I want to have complete faith.

I want to let go

and let God.