Confessions of a Sleepless Slacker Mommy

It's 3:50 AM and this is the third (fourth?) night in a row that I've woken up at some point in the night and despite feeling exhausted, can't go back to sleep. This is making me seriously cranky.

We start moving in 9 days. I'm so anxious to get in the new rental house. I've been really excited about it until this sleeping issue has started messing with my moods and now, in some ways, I almost dread the move.

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law took me shopping today to help me find some new clothes that actually fit my post-pregnancy body and hopefully actually make me feel pretty. I bought five items of clothing. For me, that's a lot. Seriously, a lot. I'm not used to spending money on myself and I actually kind of hate clothing shopping because I just end up getting depressed.
Today wasn't too bad though. One of the things I got was a knee-length, v-neck, high waist dress that has these little ruffles around the neckline and a flowy sort of skirt and a little tie belt. Its green. Not just any green. Punch-you-in-the-face bright kiwi green. If you know the shade of green that Xbox game cases are, imagine that color as a whole dress. It's amazing. I never would have even tried it on if I'd been shopping alone. And now that I've bought it and it's hanging in my closet, I'm actually pretty afraid of it. I'm worried that I'll look ridiculous in it and no one will tell me out of politeness. It's not like I can blend in while wearing this dress. You can't not look at it. It's that bright. I was laying in bed a few minutes ago debating on returning it.
I'm so good at sabotaging myself.

I get lonely. It sneaks up on me. More often than I realize, I think. But I don't call people to hang out because I'm afraid I get on people's nerves. So I end up staying in the house way too much and never going anywhere and end up writing depressing blogs in the middle of night about how pathetic I am.

I set goals for myself and almost never follow through on them. I absolutely hate that about myself. I've wanted to learn how to play the guitar since I was about 6. I have two guitars and couldn't play a single chord right now without looking at a chord book first. I want so badly to be healthy and lose weight and actually feel good about myself. Every time I try to start a regular workout schedule or a healthy eating plan I stick to it for, at most, a week and then I sabotage myself in some way and never pick it back up. Even an extremely simple goal like "go outside every day even if for just 10 minutes"... I don't do it. I usually don't realize it until it's happened but I've gone days without ever setting foot outside this tiny apartment. I don't really like going places and doing things by myself, so I just.... don't.

I love my son so much but my insecurity keeps me from taking him out to do fun stuff unless someone else goes with us. I know he's way too young to know the difference but I feel bad for always keeping him in the house instead of ... well, anything else.

I have no idea why I do these things to myself but really truly hate it. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to change it. I really really wish I did.

If you actually read of all of this, I sincerely apologize for the whiny depressiveness. Clearly I shouldn't write blogs in the middle of the night after not sleeping well for several days in a row. I just really needed to get this out.

Random Updates

Its been a while since I've posted so here's a quick list of some things that are going on with me!

1. My mom got us a Ninja blender. It's awesome. No, seriously. I made homemade hummus in about 6 seconds. And Ian made a fruit smoothie in about 30 seconds. Yea. That's awesome.

2. My son is adorable. Have you seen pictures of this kid?

Cutest. Face. Ever. We like to call him Monkey.

3. I am totally obsessed with cloth diapers. Is that weird? I don't really care if it's weird. Whenever we order new ones to add to our stash I get downright giddy when they arrive in the mail. Really. They're just so cute! And I absolutely LOVE the fact that I'm not running out to the store to buy tons of disposables that will virtually NEVER biodegrade. The thought of thousands of diapers sitting in a landfill for hundreds of years makes my skin crawl. But with my wonderful GroVia, Fuzzibunz, and Rumparooz diapers, I'm saving the environment and keeping yucky chemicals away from the little Monkey. Yes, I do realize that just sounded like a commercial and no, I don't care. Eventually, I hope to build up our cloth diaper stash so that I have enough to only need to do diaper laundry every third day.

4. We didn't renew the lease on our apartment so we're moving next month. Which is great because we need more space and I'm really tired of the elephants that live upstairs.

5. I've decided that I love Fiestaware. I actually have an Amazon wishlist devoted to my favorite colors and styles of Fiestaware.

6. I haven't had pasta in a long time so I think I'm going to make something involving pasta for dinner tonight.

7. The Monkey is screaming. I must go!

Hope you enjoyed the randomness!

owen isaiah

Licorice Dot Blue Baby Announcements

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View the entire collection of cards.

Spur of the Moment Black Bean Soup

Sometimes I see recipes that sound really really good.... and then I realize that I don't have a lot of stuff that it calls for and I really don't feel like going to the store just to get ingredients for one meal. (Seriously, I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant. I never want to battle my way through Walmart.)

So then I go through my cabinets and see the meager amount of things that I have and make up my own somewhat similar version of a recipe I found, or one that I might vaguely remember seeing sometime in the past. Or I just throw a bunch of stuff in a pot and hope it turns out OK!

Tonight, I remembered a black bean soup recipe I found by accident earlier this week but instead of trying to find it and realize that I don't have the called for ingredients, I thought I'd just wing it! So, this is what I did, and if I do say so myself, it's pretty darn tasty!!

Spur of the Moment Black Bean Soup

1 can beef broth
1 red potato (skin on) washed and diced
2 medium carrots peeled and diced
about 1/4 cup frozen peas
about 1/4 cup frozen corn
1 can black beans drained and rinsed
about 2 tbs fresh garlic (we use the kind in the jar but you could do a clove or two of fresh chopped)

Bring beef broth to a slow boil then add potato, carrots, peas, corn, and garlic and let boil till potatoes and carrots are soft - shouldn't take long since they're diced. Stir in black beans. Transfer entire mixture to blender or food processor and puree for about 10 seconds. Transfer back to pot over medium-low heat. Add about 2 tbs cream cheese and stir to melt in.

Optional: Add ground black pepper and lime juice to taste.

All of this was just stuff I happened to have on hand so if you're trying to make this, don't think you need to have all the ingredients exactly as I listed them. I rarely measure out stuff when I cook like this. It's more fun that way! Also, this only makes about 3 servings so I'd definitely double (or triple) it if you want leftovers or if you're feeding more than a few.

Enjoy!

My First Inductive Bible Study

I did my first inductive Bible study last night and considering the fact that until last night I didn't know what an inductive Bible study was, its obviously not horribly complicated or intimidating. You should try it. I really enjoyed it.

My friend Kristen branched off from her first blog (which is great) to start a second one about Bible study and thoughts on God and scripture. Earlier this week she issued a challenge to all of us out there in the blog-verse to participate in an inductive Bible study and then post their thoughts on their own blog so that the other participants can read and get others' perspectives.

So without further adieu...

2 Timothy 4:1-8

¹ I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 
² preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. 
³ For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, ⁴ and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. 
⁵ As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

⁶ For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. ⁷ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

⁸ Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.

My interpretation:

I'm giving you advice and guidance but this isn't just coming from me - these are things that God wants from you, too.

Share the Gospel, the good news, the Word of God. Know it so that you'll be prepared when someone needs to hear it - and not just when its most convenient and comfortable for you. 

Comfort people, teach them, encourage them, give guidance, even correct them when necessary, but always have patience and love when you do. 

Don't wait, act now. People won't always be receptive to the Word, or to you. Instead, they'll rely on themselves and focus on people and things that tell them what they want to hear, whether its the Truth or not. 

Don't allow yourself to slip into that way of thinking and living also - be aware and alert. Don't let your faith waver if you happen to encounter hardship. Be diligent in your work for God and His calling for you. 

I'm not always going to be here to guide and help you. I've lived my life for God to the best of my ability and I've been diligent in my faith. God is faithful to us if we are faithful to Him. For living my life for God, He will reward me with a place next to Him in Heaven. He does and will do the same for everyone who truly loves and obeys Him. 

Personal Thoughts:

Stop coasting. Stop waiting for the "right time". Stop assuming someone else "more qualified" will take care of spreading the Word. Stop thinking EVANGELISM is some intimidating endeavor taken on by only the most mature, sober-minded, well-equipped Christians. 

Listen to people. Encourage them. Give advice when you have it. Comfort people. Be a friend, a confidant, a companion. Really truly love people and take interest in them and their lives. THAT is evangelism. Share your faith. Live in a way that shows God through your actions. Don't be afraid to ask people about their faith and their relationship with God. Pray for people. Pray with people. Don't put it off. Don't hope the subject will come up "on its own". Don't wait for someone else to bring it up first. 

Someone may be in desperate need of a friend to talk about God with and He might put you in their life for that reason - why not reach out? Don't let opportunities to show and share God slip through your grasp. They may not come again. 

Even when people are unreceptive - and they will be, make no mistake - even when you're turned down and you're struggling, stick with it. Be persistent. Don't get discouraged. Continue to love, comfort, encourage - Trust God. He won't give up on you. Don't give up on Him. He keeps his promises. 

A Child in Need of a Family

Matthew 25

35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

   37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

   40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


A very sweet family that I was blessed to get to know while in college recently adopted a beautiful, precious little girl from Ethiopia. They have such beautiful, God-centered hearts and are constantly thinking of others. Please go read their blog post about a little girl in need of a loving adoptive family. Even if you're not financially able, emotionally able, or have the heart for personal adoption, you can help spread the word of this child's need and say a prayer on her and her future family's behalf.

Thank you and God bless.

What I've Overcome

Fireflight has a lot of great music but this is one that I keep going back to.
I love this song.
It makes a nice "new year - new leaf" sort of song.
Hope you enjoy it, too.

What I've Overcome by Fireflight

I've got this passion
It's something I can't describe
It's so electric
It's like I've just come alive
I feel this freedom
Now that my past is erased
I feel the healing
I found the meaning of grace
(I found grace)

If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
It's funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome

I know I'll stumble
I know I'll still face defeat
These second chances will define me
So I'm moving forward
I'm standing on my two feet
I've got momentum
I've got someone saving me
(Got someone saving me)

I'll make mistakes and I might fall
But I won't break
I've got someone saving me